The Islamic Marriage vs Societal career schizophrenic
In the
Name of Allaah the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.
(This a combination of two articles written April, 2012
titled
"The ideal islamic marriage and
"Marriage or Career")
“And of His signs is that He created for you
from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed
between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give
thought”. Qur’an chapter 30:21.
Conventionally, marriage is a game of choice but in
Islamic context, it is an important necessity strongly encouraged for every
Muslim regardless of status, wealth and power, in short, it is raised on such a
high pedestal as half of faith and prescribed for all believing men and women.
In
fact, the creation of the first man and woman depicts what is obtainable as
foundational root of sea of societies and equally as coat and gown that
constitute existence and multiplication of people’s norm, with the objective of
occupying the earth generation after generation.
And
since the norm of striking a balance between society and peoples’ affairs is
marriage, it must be understood in a true form or else, it would pose a vacuum
of peril as seen in the world today.
Because
of the conflicting ideology from the conventional world view of marriage, a
game of choice, that has seeded well across the universe as passed on from one
generation to next, the traditional institution of marriage is being threatened
by other priorities which have opened doors for excessive career pursuit among
innocent People (man and woman) at the detriment of promoting blissful marital
life and ‘ideal’ homemaking.
According
to Wikipedia, career stands in the Oxford English Dictionary in three phases,
one as a person’s “course or progress through life (or a distinct portion of
life)”. In this definition career is understood to relate to a range of aspects
of an individual’s life, learning and work. Career is also frequently
understood to relate to the working aspects of an individuals’ life e.g. as in
career woman. A third way in which the term career is used to describe an
occupation or a profession that usually involves special training or formal
education, and is considered to be a person’s lifework. In this case “a career”
is seen as a sequence of related jobs usually pursued within a single industry
or sector e.g. “a career in law” or “a career in the building trade”.
It
is Wallah no secret that the dominant aspiration in the life of every young man
is to ultimately find a suitable spouse and to secure a healthy income, the
dilemma however is which one comes first; do I get married and then make money
or do I study, graduate, do my internship, make my money hopefully I will
attract a better fish.
But
then the question is; can I resist the temptation of a woman for such a prolonged
period of time? I’m afraid the answer is NO; the chances are strong that I’m
going to pursue an illicit relationship during my stay at the campus or at a
tertiary institution which will inevitably land itself into a host of evils.
There
comes about career and every other aspects of homemaking suffers tremendously.
Hence, the need to create a balance between homemaking and material pursuit.
The objective of marriage is to put an end to depression and not to start it as
Allaah says in Qur’an chapter
30:21 “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that
you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and
mercy. Indeed in that are signs for people who give thought”.
Forgive
me if I come across crudely, you might find my tone to be somehow militant but
by Allaah, nothing ulterior is intended other than to remind myself first and
you of the marital dangers looming in the horizon as a result of our actions.
It
is the unadulterated system of Allaah that, whenever He prohibits a thing, He
closes all the avenues that lead to it. The same holds true in all that He has
allowed for us. He makes clear all the paths that make it easy.
Undoubtedly,
man and woman were created by Allaah to worship Him and in doing so, they need
to procreate in order to fulfill His promise of making humans’ inheritors of
the earth, generations after generations.
The
process of procreation was legitimized for us by Allaah through the institution
of Nikaah (marriage). Allah says: “Marry
women of your choice, two or three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not
be able to deal justly (with them), then (marry) only one” Surah 4. An-Nisa’
verse 3.
I’m
particularly concerned with the nature of how wedding ceremonies are being
conducted today by the Muslims. I personally see this as the point of departure
between those strangers (Ghuraba) that strive to conduct themselves in
accordance with the shariah during wedding periods desperate for Allaah’s
blessings and those that are ignorantly living under the shackles of the
destructive 21st century civilization desperate for social recognition at the
detriment of Allaah’s pleasure.
A
people rich in civilization as the Muslims shouldn’t be found wanting in ethics
and morals. In recent years, Satan has beautified a repugnant act for Muslims
who are on the verge of getting married or even the married ones on their
wedding anniversaries. An exposure to the new satanic trend in the form of a
series of pictures taken by the would-be partners in an un-Islamic style will
shift any man with a sane and balanced understanding from a comfort zone to
that of a constant anticipation of Allaah’s wrath.
Innocent
people out of ‘marital euphoria’ would do anything just to please the society
even if it means going against Allaah’s orders. A true Muslim goes to any
length to protect the honor of his women folk but sadly today, we even derive
pleasure in displaying our women for the world to admire. Subhanallah!
An
authentic hadith on the strength of Ammar (RA) sends a shiver down my spine.
The Prophet (Pbuh) said: “A dayyuth will
NEVER enter paradise” (Muslim). This
is a person who’s not jealous of his women folk. He opposes jealousy and
displays his wife for every Tom, Dick and Harry to see and comment as if she’s
a commodity. How can my wife’s picture be traveling round the world admired by
the good, the bad and the ugly.
The
competition of a real believer is in good ways not in disobedience. We are
trying to outdo one another in sins. Wedding dinner, what’s supposed to be a
decent feast and a get-together is now the backbone of everything opposing
Allaah’s orders as far as wedding ceremony is concerned. Women in tight outfits,
exactly as the Prophet (Pbuh) painted their image, mixing freely with strange
men with an accompanied music playing at the background inviting the wrath of
Allaah and we have the guts to expect Allah’s blessings in our marriages. What
a deliberate contradiction.
Can’t
we have a decent marriage? Can’t we think of Allaah’s wrath when planning our
wedding events? Are we so blinded and desperate for a 24 hour recognition that
we are willing to compromise on our eeman? Who blesses marriages? Is it not Allaah?
Or do the people we consider when we disobey Allaah have the key to our marital
bliss and righteous offspring? Think and ponder, wallah! If the foundation of
our wedding is built on Allaah’s disobedience then don’t blame Allaah or the
society when our children become delinquents but rather we should blame
ourselves for that wedding based on Allaah’s disobedience.
Don’t
we know that for every person that abuses his sight at a dinner function
organized by us, is an equal share of sin allotted to us, wise up and use your
intellect. Don’t ruin the life of your children yet unborn. The people we threw
up a lavish immoral dinner to impress will be the first to broadcast our
marital problems when Allaah removes blessings in our marriages. So decide who
to please now.
There’s
nothing wrong in men having their exclusive male event in accordance with the
shariah (a wedding banquet known as walimah) nor is there anything wrong for
women to have their own separate wedding banquet. Hence, we should go for that
which pleases Allaah and which guarantees eternal bliss and a happy home.
Until
and unless we see marriage as an ‘Ibadah, we will not get the gist. In a hadith
the Prophet (Pbuh) said: “The whole world is a provision, and the best object
of benefit of the world is the pious woman.” Only a pious woman will discourage
you from trying to indulge in a wedding ceremony that will invite Allaah’s
wrath, so go for her and not the so called 21st century slave who knows nothing
beyond the material world, totally oblivious of her Creator.
May
our kind Allaah give us partners that will hold us and drag us with utmost care
to Jannah not those that know nothing beyond the material world.
The
first version of this article was first published on Theguildng.com 2015
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