The Islamic Marriage vs Societal career schizophrenic
In the Name of Allaah the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.
(This a combination of two articles written April, 2012 titled
"The ideal islamic marriage and "Marriage or Career")
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought”. Qur’an chapter 30:21.
Conventionally, marriage is a game of choice but in Islamic context, it is an important necessity strongly encouraged for every Muslim regardless of status, wealth and power, in short, it is raised on such a high pedestal as half of faith and prescribed for all believing men and women.
In fact, the creation of the first man and woman depicts what is obtainable as foundational root of sea of societies and equally as coat and gown that constitute existence and multiplication of people’s norm, with the objective of occupying the earth generation after generation.
And since the norm of striking a balance between society and peoples’ affairs is marriage, it must be understood in a true form or else, it would pose a vacuum of peril as seen in the world today.
Because of the conflicting ideology from the conventional world view of marriage, a game of choice, that has seeded well across the universe as passed on from one generation to next, the traditional institution of marriage is being threatened by other priorities which have opened doors for excessive career pursuit among innocent People (man and woman) at the detriment of promoting blissful marital life and ‘ideal’ homemaking.
According to Wikipedia, career stands in the Oxford English Dictionary in three phases, one as a person’s “course or progress through life (or a distinct portion of life)”. In this definition career is understood to relate to a range of aspects of an individual’s life, learning and work. Career is also frequently understood to relate to the working aspects of an individuals’ life e.g. as in career woman. A third way in which the term career is used to describe an occupation or a profession that usually involves special training or formal education, and is considered to be a person’s lifework. In this case “a career” is seen as a sequence of related jobs usually pursued within a single industry or sector e.g. “a career in law” or “a career in the building trade”.
It is Wallah no secret that the dominant aspiration in the life of every young man is to ultimately find a suitable spouse and to secure a healthy income, the dilemma however is which one comes first; do I get married and then make money or do I study, graduate, do my internship, make my money hopefully I will attract a better fish.
But then the question is; can I resist the temptation of a woman for such a prolonged period of time? I’m afraid the answer is NO; the chances are strong that I’m going to pursue an illicit relationship during my stay at the campus or at a tertiary institution which will inevitably land itself into a host of evils.
There comes about career and every other aspects of homemaking suffers tremendously. Hence, the need to create a balance between homemaking and material pursuit. The objective of marriage is to put an end to depression and not to start it as Allaah says in Qur’an chapter 30:21 “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for people who give thought”.
Forgive me if I come across crudely, you might find my tone to be somehow militant but by Allaah, nothing ulterior is intended other than to remind myself first and you of the marital dangers looming in the horizon as a result of our actions.
It is the unadulterated system of Allaah that, whenever He prohibits a thing, He closes all the avenues that lead to it. The same holds true in all that He has allowed for us. He makes clear all the paths that make it easy.
Undoubtedly, man and woman were created by Allaah to worship Him and in doing so, they need to procreate in order to fulfill His promise of making humans’ inheritors of the earth, generations after generations.
The process of procreation was legitimized for us by Allaah through the institution of Nikaah (marriage). Allah says: “Marry women of your choice, two or three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then (marry) only one” Surah 4. An-Nisa’ verse 3.
I’m particularly concerned with the nature of how wedding ceremonies are being conducted today by the Muslims. I personally see this as the point of departure between those strangers (Ghuraba) that strive to conduct themselves in accordance with the shariah during wedding periods desperate for Allaah’s blessings and those that are ignorantly living under the shackles of the destructive 21st century civilization desperate for social recognition at the detriment of Allaah’s pleasure.
A people rich in civilization as the Muslims shouldn’t be found wanting in ethics and morals. In recent years, Satan has beautified a repugnant act for Muslims who are on the verge of getting married or even the married ones on their wedding anniversaries. An exposure to the new satanic trend in the form of a series of pictures taken by the would-be partners in an un-Islamic style will shift any man with a sane and balanced understanding from a comfort zone to that of a constant anticipation of Allaah’s wrath.
Innocent people out of ‘marital euphoria’ would do anything just to please the society even if it means going against Allaah’s orders. A true Muslim goes to any length to protect the honor of his women folk but sadly today, we even derive pleasure in displaying our women for the world to admire. Subhanallah!
An authentic hadith on the strength of Ammar (RA) sends a shiver down my spine. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: “A dayyuth will NEVER enter paradise” (Muslim). This is a person who’s not jealous of his women folk. He opposes jealousy and displays his wife for every Tom, Dick and Harry to see and comment as if she’s a commodity. How can my wife’s picture be traveling round the world admired by the good, the bad and the ugly.
The competition of a real believer is in good ways not in disobedience. We are trying to outdo one another in sins. Wedding dinner, what’s supposed to be a decent feast and a get-together is now the backbone of everything opposing Allaah’s orders as far as wedding ceremony is concerned. Women in tight outfits, exactly as the Prophet (Pbuh) painted their image, mixing freely with strange men with an accompanied music playing at the background inviting the wrath of Allaah and we have the guts to expect Allah’s blessings in our marriages. What a deliberate contradiction.
Can’t we have a decent marriage? Can’t we think of Allaah’s wrath when planning our wedding events? Are we so blinded and desperate for a 24 hour recognition that we are willing to compromise on our eeman? Who blesses marriages? Is it not Allaah? Or do the people we consider when we disobey Allaah have the key to our marital bliss and righteous offspring? Think and ponder, wallah! If the foundation of our wedding is built on Allaah’s disobedience then don’t blame Allaah or the society when our children become delinquents but rather we should blame ourselves for that wedding based on Allaah’s disobedience.
Don’t we know that for every person that abuses his sight at a dinner function organized by us, is an equal share of sin allotted to us, wise up and use your intellect. Don’t ruin the life of your children yet unborn. The people we threw up a lavish immoral dinner to impress will be the first to broadcast our marital problems when Allaah removes blessings in our marriages. So decide who to please now.
There’s nothing wrong in men having their exclusive male event in accordance with the shariah (a wedding banquet known as walimah) nor is there anything wrong for women to have their own separate wedding banquet. Hence, we should go for that which pleases Allaah and which guarantees eternal bliss and a happy home.
Until and unless we see marriage as an ‘Ibadah, we will not get the gist. In a hadith the Prophet (Pbuh) said: “The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.” Only a pious woman will discourage you from trying to indulge in a wedding ceremony that will invite Allaah’s wrath, so go for her and not the so called 21st century slave who knows nothing beyond the material world, totally oblivious of her Creator.
May our kind Allaah give us partners that will hold us and drag us with utmost care to Jannah not those that know nothing beyond the material world.
The first version of this article was first published on Theguildng.com 2015
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